1. The Overcrowded Sweatbox of Death
It's Saturday night, and you're heading out to see your favorite house (or techno) DJ that you've been dying to see for months. You pay the fee to get in, then happily waltz into the venue. Oh. My. God. The amount of people is so nauseating that you're getting claustrophobic by just looking upon the crowd. You join your fellow club-goers anyway. This little setback won't prevent you from enjoying your night. Once you dive into the sea of people before you, you discover that the guy next to you is profusely sweating, and the girl in front of you keeps stepping on your shoes while doing the two step. You try to bust a move, but you barely have half an inch to do so. You just can't win. This, my friends, is the overcrowded sweatbox of death.
2. The Stage 4 Creeper
This one is for my ladies. There's always that one dude lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce. Homeboy is usually alone, about thirty-ish, and has a Jack Torrence-ish look in his eye (if you've familiar with the film The Shining, you catch my drift.) No matter how many times you politely try to get away from him, he will follow you around all night, staring. Perhaps he'll even stalk you all the way to After Hours. Stage 4 Creeper, ladies and gents. He never misses a party.
3. "House Hipsters"
Hipsters are known far and wide for thinking that they are too cool for anything and everything, claiming to be innovators and non-conformists. You don't only find Hipsters in Williamsburg, though. They can be found in all walks of life, especially in the Underground House Music Scene in New York. These are the people who pride themselves on being experts on the genre more so than anyone else. They think they're too cool for NYC, and constantly proclaim that clubbing is better in Europe (although they themselves have never actually been to Europe.) They hate "ravers," and the colorful costumes they wear ("House Hipsters" prefer black because it matches the color of the depths of their soul) and act like they weren't listening to David Guetta four years ago.
5. Techno Overload
The closing DJ is an hour into his set. Although techno is awesome, the DJ's sound is all starting to monotone. The set has no groove anymore, only pure, glorious repetition. You start to get bored. Your boredom slowly turns into annoyance. Instead of the music taking you on a journey, your head is about to explode instead. You my friend, are experiencing techno overload. Don't get me wrong, techno is a beautiful thing when it's done right. If a DJ is simply playing what sounds good, the "heavy stuff," aka pure UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ, rather than concentrating on the musical journey that that he or she is supposed to be taking the crowd on, it's going to be a recipe for disaster.
6. Track Thieves
This one is for the DJs. There's always that other DJ (whether he's playing that night or not) cozying up to you, either on your left or right side smiling keeping one eye on you and the other on your computer. Perhaps the thief is looking over your shoulder, writing down the name of the joint you're about to drop on his or her phone, plotting to download it in the morning. You wonder to yourself, "why they couldn't have just asked me for the song and be professional instead of acting like an 8 year old?" That would be impossible, my friend. Why? Because it would mean that the thief would be admitting to the fact that they admire their competition. Track thieves… there's always one in the booth.
That's my list so far. There are so many more annoyances out there, but these are just the ones that popped into my mind at the moment. Feel free to go ahead and post a comment sharing your own Underground Pet Peeves! I would love to add more to the list.
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